Controversial Take on Mental Health Labels

And the one my therapist just gave me.

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Today, I want to share a somewhat embarrassing confession about a mental health label I received this year.

The Guitar That Ruined Mother’s Day

On Mothers Day, my family went to a beautiful winery.

The weather was perfect. My wife, our kids, and I were sitting outside on a patio, enjoying the sunshine and light breeze. It was the kind of Southern California afternoon that makes you understand why people pay so much to live here.

I remember thinking, this is exactly what today is supposed to feel like.

Until, the guy with the guitar started playing.

He was supposed to play some light background music, and that’s what everyone else heard. But his guitar was EQ’d so poorly that, to me, every note sounded like nails on a chalkboard. My family kept eating and laughing like nothing was happening.

But my nervous system was on fire.

My chest tightened. My body felt hot. In my head I’m pleading, Bro, either turn that thing down or turn up the bass, but please do SOMETHING.

I couldn’t get unhooked from it.

I moved to a table in a different section of the patio to get away from him. It didn’t help. By the end of the afternoon, I was fried, and the beautiful Mother’s Day I’d been sitting in an hour earlier was gone.

This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

Certain levels of background noise, like at a party, will build until I literally have to leave the room. Certain voices do the same thing. Someone can be five tables away from me at a restaurant, and if they talk at the right pitch, my ears lock onto their voice, and I can’t let it go.

I explained all this to my therapist, and for the first time in my life, she put a label on me.

“Mike, you are a Highly Sensitive Person.”

At first, I thought she was insulting me — gee thanks!

But it turns out, this is a legitimate condition. In short, people who are HSP process physical, emotional, and social stimuli more deeply than most. It’s sort of like other people have a filter for tuning things out, but everything hits my nervous system at full blast.

After that therapy session, I noticed something interesting (and a little embarrassing) happening inside of me…

I kind of liked it.

The label felt good. My therapist told me a large percentage of the population shares this trait. Suddenly, I wasn’t a guy with a weird audio problem — I was part of an us.

I could feel my life starting to orient itself around the label…

• Which rooms I’d avoid.

• What I’d announce to a table before dinner.

• Who I’d expect to accommodate my special requirements.

The label gave me a ready-made story I could hand to anyone: Hi, I’m a Highly Sensitive Person. Here’s my Highly Sensitive Person story. Here’s a list of my needs. Please adjust accordingly.

I saw the attractiveness of it, how easy it would be to let the label limit my life.

This is the danger of any diagnosis.

Quick pause: I think it’s important to note that HSP is not a medical disorder. That’s why I’m mainly using the word “label”, not diagnosis. But I watch the same problem play out with every kind of label or diagnosis or badge that others put on us or that we accept about ourselves…

• Introvert / Extrovert

• ADHD

• Enneagram 2

• INFP

• OCD

• Neurodivergent

• Perfectionist

• Yes, even your Primal Question!

Every label is information.

Nothing more. Nothing less. When it comes time to interpret that information, we can take one of two paths. One path shrinks our lives. The other path leads to expansion and growth.

The constricting path says: This is why I am this way. This is why I can’t do what other people do. It turns the label into an identity, then an excuse, and then a set of walls. Your life gets smaller and smaller as you organize everything around your limitation.

Now, before anyone misreads me:

I’m not dismissing diagnoses.

Real conditions have real impacts, and getting an accurate name for what’s happening inside you can be one of the most relieving moments of your life. I fully accept the label my therapist put on me. I’m grateful for the information.

What I don’t accept is the interpretation that the information has to shrink my life.

So here’s my take:

We should view every label as an opportunity for expansion.

The path of expansion asks: “Now that I know this about myself, how will I grow with it? What opportunity does this make possible?”

Here’s what I realized. My sensitivity is actually my superpower. This condition doesn’t only make me sensitive to audio. It’s the reason I’m highly sensitive to other people’s emotions. In other words, it’s the reason my clients trust me and why I’m good at what I do. The exact trait that ruined Mother’s Day is the trait that built my entire career.

Now that I have this new clarity about my unique wiring, I want to explore and maximize the other strengths that come from this sensitivity.

I want to encourage you to do the same with whatever label that’s been put on you.

So here’s the action item I want to leave you with today:

Answer 2 questions to keep your label from becoming a cage.

First: What’s the downside of this, and how do I resource it?

Don’t deny the downside. Acknowledge it and resource it. Make a quiet, low-drama plan to address the real limitations that come with your label.

Question any area where you’ve decided, “I can’t do that.” Instead, ask, “What are 5 ways I could still participate?” Push yourself to be creative. You are more resourceful than you think.

Second: What is my unique opportunity here? What does this make possible that wasn’t possible before?

Every insight about yourself contains a highly specialized you wouldn’t have otherwise. Find where this thing makes you unusually capable, and start leading with that.

Finish this sentence:

“Because of ______, I am unusually good at ______.”

We live at the mercy of the stories we tell ourselves.

The label is just information, but the story is up to you.

Write a good one.

To your growth,

Mike

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