Very unveiling, wise, and useful article, Mike. This message reminder has reoriented my day. I probably need to consider this every morning to reorient my life.
Over 61 of my 63 years I would have agreed with your assertion that it is better to think of people being different rather than "bad" and assuming that people had good intentions that I just misunderstood. I'm a very patient person and have found that I can get along with anybody. However, within the last two years, I encountered a co-worker who intentionally tried to manipulate me, deceive me and hurt me. I've also met another co-worker who reported to the first person and found her to be so toxic that she changed jobs to get away from her. There are people that are psychopaths, sociopaths and highly narcissistic. I'm not focusing on the diagnosis, but the behavior behind the diagnosis. I'm now convinced that, if you value your own mental health, you should not try to understand or reconcile with these people. You should also not try to punish or hurt these people because you're just dropping to their level. The best approach is to totally avoid these people and, if not possible, to reply to them with the most bland, non-committal answers that give them no basis to criticize or further manipulate you. This may be a family member, a romantic partner, a co-worker or a neighbor. These situations are exceedingly rare, but they do happen and, to NOT recognize this reality, is setting people up for sustained mental torment. This was such an unusual situation that I discussed it with my sister who is a psychiatrist, and she confirmed my assessment and gave me the initial direction for the appropriate response. To ignore these kinds of situations is not helpful!
I am finding that Mike Foster is answering all the questions I have been struggling with. I feel like this insight is going to help me move forward out of the patterns I have been repeating for the past 35 years and help me to show up more like the person I know I can be.
This is such great insight. This past week there is so much discussion in our church community about our primal questions. Thank you!
This is SO good! Understanding the primal question has unlocked so much freedom & peace for me. Thank you!
Very unveiling, wise, and useful article, Mike. This message reminder has reoriented my day. I probably need to consider this every morning to reorient my life.
Over 61 of my 63 years I would have agreed with your assertion that it is better to think of people being different rather than "bad" and assuming that people had good intentions that I just misunderstood. I'm a very patient person and have found that I can get along with anybody. However, within the last two years, I encountered a co-worker who intentionally tried to manipulate me, deceive me and hurt me. I've also met another co-worker who reported to the first person and found her to be so toxic that she changed jobs to get away from her. There are people that are psychopaths, sociopaths and highly narcissistic. I'm not focusing on the diagnosis, but the behavior behind the diagnosis. I'm now convinced that, if you value your own mental health, you should not try to understand or reconcile with these people. You should also not try to punish or hurt these people because you're just dropping to their level. The best approach is to totally avoid these people and, if not possible, to reply to them with the most bland, non-committal answers that give them no basis to criticize or further manipulate you. This may be a family member, a romantic partner, a co-worker or a neighbor. These situations are exceedingly rare, but they do happen and, to NOT recognize this reality, is setting people up for sustained mental torment. This was such an unusual situation that I discussed it with my sister who is a psychiatrist, and she confirmed my assessment and gave me the initial direction for the appropriate response. To ignore these kinds of situations is not helpful!
Spot on, Mike. It's a timely reminder as we're dealing with the little kid version of one of our leaders. Thanks!
I am finding that Mike Foster is answering all the questions I have been struggling with. I feel like this insight is going to help me move forward out of the patterns I have been repeating for the past 35 years and help me to show up more like the person I know I can be.