Mike—coming back to this one - this is going to stick with me. I’ve spent a lot of my life smoothing tension because my body treats conflict like a five-alarm fire. And the brutal part is realizing I wasn’t always “being nice”… I was trying to feel safe.
Your friction point is so true. Some of the most loving things we can do are uncomfortable: hold the line, say the hard thing, let someone feel the consequence instead of rescuing them from it.
I wrote about this recently through a relationships lens (including a “heat vs. light” metaphor and why resentment usually means there was a silent contract). Sharing in case it helps anyone:
This article was such an eye opener! Just Wow!! I have been a people pleaser my whole life and never realized the disservice I was doing to others I was serving in ministry and even my own marriage, just to keep my inner self at peace and not rock the boat. Will definately be rereading this article a couple more times and taking it in on how to make the small changed over and over again.
Best article since I subscribed
Thank you
I’m wondering about the tension between serving God and loving others and people pleasing
Thanks for the article
Mike—coming back to this one - this is going to stick with me. I’ve spent a lot of my life smoothing tension because my body treats conflict like a five-alarm fire. And the brutal part is realizing I wasn’t always “being nice”… I was trying to feel safe.
Your friction point is so true. Some of the most loving things we can do are uncomfortable: hold the line, say the hard thing, let someone feel the consequence instead of rescuing them from it.
I wrote about this recently through a relationships lens (including a “heat vs. light” metaphor and why resentment usually means there was a silent contract). Sharing in case it helps anyone:
https://thecaseforpodcast.substack.com/p/the-case-for-not-lighting-yourself
This article was such an eye opener! Just Wow!! I have been a people pleaser my whole life and never realized the disservice I was doing to others I was serving in ministry and even my own marriage, just to keep my inner self at peace and not rock the boat. Will definately be rereading this article a couple more times and taking it in on how to make the small changed over and over again.
Excellent read thank you.
This is great, Mike. I wrote on something very similar and would love your thoughts.
https://substack.com/home/post/p-184363493