How the Primal Question Creates Better Business Conversations
The Primal Question is not just a feel-good tool for personal growth. It is a strategic tool to help you get the outcomes you want in your life and work.
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How the Primal Question Creates Better Business Conversations
I say this over and over with my clients (and probably not often enough on this newsletter).
The Primal Question is strategic.
It’s not just about inner healing. It’s not just about understanding your childhood. It’s not just about personal growth.
Yes, it helps with all of those things.
But fundamentally, it’s about getting results.
This is especially true if you want to use the model as a coach. It’s about helping your clients get the outcomes they want. Not just in their personal lives. Not just in relationships.
The Primal Question is a tool that can help you get the outcomes you want in business.
In a recent coaching session, one of my clients came in stressed about a conversation he needs to have soon.
This guy is one half of a two-person business partnership. The business is doing very well, but he wants out because the direction it’s going no longer aligns with his vision for his future.
He wants to sell his share and move on.
The problem?
His business partner is also his close friend. He was afraid that if he brought up the topic, he would blow up their friendship.
Here’s the mistake most people make in a situation like this.
They prepare for the wrong conversation.
They think they’re prepared.
They’ve rehearsed what they want to say. Maybe they’ve even written notes. But subconsciously, they’re preparing for a conversation that’s geared toward their own Primal Question, not the other person’s.
Let me show you what I mean.
Let’s say you’re in this situation and your Primal Question is Q1: Am I safe?
Your tendency would be to walk into the conversation focused on reassuring your partner that…
Everything is going to be okay.
The business will stay stable.
She’s going to have even more control and predictability over the financial decisions once you transition out.
And those aren’t bad things to say.
But your business partner might not care about any of that because she doesn’t share your Primal Question.
In the case of my client, his business partner’s Primal Question was Q6: Am I good enough?
Q6s are value-making machines. They have a sixth sense for spotting untapped potential. They’re optimizers. Maximizers. High performers.
Stability isn’t what keeps a Q6 up at night.
What keeps them up at night is whether they’re doing enough. Whether they’re measuring up. Whether they’re maximizing value.
If you walk in talking about safety and stability, you’re answering a question they’re not even asking. You’ll think you nailed the conversation. They’ll walk away feeling unsettled, and they won’t be able to tell you why.
So what should you do instead?
How I Coached My Client to Get the Outcome He Wanted
There’s a great business book called The Three Laws of Performance.
The first law is this: all performance is rooted in occurrence. Meaning, people don’t behave based on how things are. People behave based on how things occur to them.
That’s the main thing I walked my client through.
Forget how this change occurs to you.
Focus on how this change will occur to them. This is why it is essential to know the Primal Questions of the people you work with. It’s the best way to make an educated guess at how the situation will occur to them.
Since my client’s business partner is a Q6, the conversation needed to be framed around value and affirmation.
Not “Don’t worry, you’ll be safe without me”. That’s Q1 safety language.
Instead, the conversation could be framed like this: “Imagine what you could do with full ownership of this company. You know all those ideas you’ve had that we haven’t been aligned on? Now you have complete freedom to bring them to life. You’re going to crush this.”
That speaks directly to a Q6’s core need.
Now, I know what you might be thinking because this is something that comes up with my clients…
Isn’t This Manipulation?
No, and here’s why.
In every conversation you have, you are already speaking to a Primal Question. You just don’t realize it. When you don’t realize it, you default to speaking to your own need, which means you miss their need entirely.
Choosing to be intentional about how you communicate isn’t manipulation.
It’s compassion.
You’re saying, I care enough about you to speak in a way that actually lands. And it’s strategic because it produces the best outcomes for everybody, not just you.
If you have a conversation coming up that you’re stressed about, here’s what I’d encourage you to do.
First, figure out the other person’s Primal Question. If you’re not sure, read the book and take your best guess.
Second, put yourself in their shoes. Based on their Primal Question, how might this change occur to them? Not to you. To them.
Third, frame the conversation around how this change answers their Primal Question with a yes.
Again, the Primal Question is not just a feel-good tool for personal growth.
It is a strategic tool to help you get the outcomes you want.
The more you understand the Primal Questions of the people you work with, the better you will become at having the right conversations.
To your growth,
Mike Foster
P.S. If this was helpful, don’t click away without giving this post a like, comment, or share! And if you want to discover your Primal Question so you can start using it in your business and relationships, take the assessment here.
Let me know if you have a question about this in the comments!