"How do I not get triggered?"

I already know my Primal Question, so how do I stop living in the Scramble?

Good morning, friend.

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A few weeks ago, I asked people to reply with questions or topics they wanted me to write about.

Today, I’m going to address a topic that came up over and over…

“How do I recognize when I’m in my Scramble?”

What are the signs? How do I stop living in the scramble when I already know my Primal Question and still get triggered?

First, we need to define the scramble.

Fundamentally, the scramble is all of the coping mechanisms and strategies you use to meet a need. Specifically, your Apex Emotional Need. This is what I call your Primal Question. (Take the quiz here if you don’t know yours.)

For example, let’s take someone with Primal Question #7: Do I have a purpose?

Their Apex Emotional Need is purpose, significance, or meaning.

They’re going through life, and suddenly something happens where they feel like they don’t matter. They get a “NO” to their Primal Question. They’re wondering if their life is significant. They’re wondering if they are making a big enough impact on the world. If they’re making their life count.

If you have a different Primal Question, think about what you do when it is answered with a no.

If you are a Q7, think about what you do in those moments.

What do you start to do to try to make your life significant? Maybe you start to DO more, (or at least daydream about doing more)...

• You take on more projects at work to increase your impact.

• You start a new ministry or nonprofit to serve the hurting.

• You sign up for a mission trip to change lives overseas.

You overwork. Overdeliver. You become a “yes man” who will help anyone with anything. It becomes about quantity over quality. You’re hustling, and it feels good. Because all of it matters. So you matter.

The problem? You broke the healthy boundaries you had set for yourself.

For a Q7, the Scramble for purpose is a one-way ticket to burnout.

We could probably keep diving into more examples, but the important part is identifying YOUR examples. What do you do when your Primal Question is answered with a no? What do you do to try to force it back to a yes? Where does that chaotic energy go?

For a Q7, if you're not sure if you're in your scramble, take a look at your schedule.

If you're not sure if you're in your scramble, look at the quality vs. quantity of your commitments.

Those are the behavioral signals on the surface.

This is where it gets tricky.

There is a fine line between operating in your Primal Gift and operating in your Scramble. There is a world where a Q7 has a packed calendar and high-quality output, but they’re operating in their Primal Gift. Looking at the behaviors is not enough.

In life, your needs drive your emotions and your emotions drive your behaviors.

Let’s go one layer deeper to see how it impacts your emotions.

How are you feeling? As a Q7, are you operating out of a place of peace, joy, lightness, and excitement? Or are you anxious, overwhelmed, and weighed down by everything you’re trying to accomplish?

This is where we have to have a real awareness of ourselves.

Why are you doing this?

Is it from the overflow? Knowing your life has a purpose, so you want to give it away in abundance? Or are you trying to fill a deficit, where you’re trying desperately to feel like you matter?

It’s the idea of FROM or FOR.

Are you doing it FROM purpose or FOR purpose?

The key is to do this work now. Identify the patterns. Use them as check engine lights for the engine of your heart and soul. Make a list of the emotions you feel and the behaviors you do when you get a no to your Primal Question, and pay attention to when those things show up.

Here’s the next question I get a lot…

“If I know what my Scramble looks like, how do I not get triggered?”

How do I stop living in the scramble and live in peace?

Listen to me…

There's no expectation that you would never get triggered. That finish line does not exist, my friend. I’m sorry if someone convinced you it does. If they did, they were naive about how growth works and how life works.

You are a human.

There isn’t some superhuman state you reach where nothing affects you.

The win is not, “Yay! I never went into my Scramble this year.”

The win is, “I'm onto me. I know what's happening here. This person activated my Primal Question of ‘Am I safe’, and I’m feeling triggered. I have rhythms, habits, and strategies that I go to that will move me quickly back to feeling grounded.”

Here’s what this looks like for me as a Q1: Am I safe?

1. I go work out. I remind myself that I’m not that little kid anymore. I get reconnected to my body and my strength as a healthy, grown adult.

2. I get out in nature. It moves me from anxious to calm. There’s something about the vastness of nature that takes the important things in my life and puts them in perspective. It makes “big” issues feel small in comparison.

3. I talk about it. This is the hardest part. I go to my wife and say, “This person really got under my skin or I'm feeling really unsafe right now. Can I share this with you and can you come alongside me and assure me?”

Those are things I do when I'm in my scramble. I know I can go to these behaviors to feel regrounded. I’ve tested things over the years and this is what works for me.

More importantly, how do we find what works for you?

Reflection question for you:

Set a timer on your phone for 15 minutes and think through this.

What feels good to you? What feels grounding? What moves you from a place of Scramble energy to neutral energy? Make a list. Next time you notice you’re in your Scramble, try something on the list.

Lastly, be kind to yourself.

You’re not dumb or weak or immature for getting triggered by things in your life. You’re human. We all are. There is no arrival where life doesn’t touch us anymore. If there is, you get there by turning off your heart and mind and soul.

That’s no way to live.

Allowing yourself to be affected is a sign of strength. A sign of courage. A sign you’re alive.

You don’t need to avoid the Scramble. You just need to know when it happens and how to bring yourself back down.

You got this.

To your growth,

Mike Foster

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