Healthy Adulting 101

Most of us live like we’re floating heads, completely disconnected from our bodies.

Welcome back to the Primal Question Newsletter.

My name is Mike Foster. If you’re new around here, I’m an Executive Coach who works with all sorts of world changers, from Navy SEALs to reality stars to nonprofit founders to executives of billion-dollar companies.

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Today, we’re kicking off a brand new series that will continue through the end of the year…

Healthy Adulting 101

A few months ago, I wrote a piece titled “7 Laws of Healthy Adulting”.

I received more positive feedback on this than anything I’ve written in a while, so I decided to turn it into a series. For the next 8 or 9 weeks, we’re going to walk through the major “life domains” where Kid Logic undermines us, and how to embrace 1 shift to Adult Wisdom (per domain) to live a stronger, healthier, more vibrant life.

Before we dive in, I want you to know that I am with you in this process.

I affectionately refer to the little kid version of me as “Skinny Mike”.

I’ve spent much of my adult life learning how to relieve “Skinny Mike” from his post, one he does not let go of easily. This 11-year-old version of me still thinks it’s his job to protect me at all costs. I’m thankful for his devotion, but I also know that it’s my job as Adult Mike to step in, take the reins, and become the CEO of my life by leading with Adult Wisdom.

Know that everything I share with you is rooted in my journey of stepping into ownership of my life, as well as my coaching work, where I help clients step into ownership of theirs.

This week, we’re starting with the part of ourselves (most of us) are least connected with: our bodies.

Most of us live like we’re floating heads.

We completely ignore our bodies and spend our entire lives in our minds.

At least, that’s how I used to operate. For most of my life, I never exercised. I stayed up late, working until my body literally shut down… and then wondered why I felt like garbage the next morning. I wouldn’t eat until 2 or 3 p.m. I was the living definition of “hangry”.

It was all fueled by Kid Logic…

Kid Logic: “My body doesn’t matter.”

I treated my body like it was just this thing that carried my brain around.

For me, this belief stemmed from childhood abuse. I had deep, festering shame that made my body feel like enemy territory. A place I couldn’t trust. A place that had betrayed me. I thought my body was bad, so I completely abandoned it and lived in my head instead.

Everything changed when I went to Onsite.

“Where is the shame in your body, and what does it look like?” the therapist asked.

I was in the middle of an interactive group therapy session (called a Sculpt).

“I think it’s in my chest. It looks like a ball. A black ball. Yeah, it looks like this big, smooth, black ball in the center of my chest.”

“Okay”, she replied, “I want you to use all your might to push that ball out of your chest and into the pillow.”

Another participant stood in front of me, holding a big pillow, bracing himself for impact. Using all my strength, I thrust the visualized black ball into the pillows with so much force that 2 other guys had to join him to hold me back. I wasn’t very strong at the time (remember I never worked out). This was pure emotional energy that had been trapped in my body for decades, finally finding a way out.

I pushed and pushed until I collapsed on the floor, completely spent, sweating, gasping for air.

I felt electric.

Like everything in my body was fully firing. For the first time in years, maybe decades, I was actually in my body. Not thinking about it. Not judging it. Not ignoring it. Just... there. Present. Alive. As strange as it sounds, I kept thinking, “Wow, this is my body.” I was finally connected to it.

And I realized that the body I’d been ignoring wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t my enemy.

In fact, the body I neglected had been at work, serving me all my life.

Kid Logic might say, “Your body doesn’t matter.”

But Adult Wisdom says, “Your body is a fundamental part of who you are and deserves to be taken care of.”

Your heart has been beating every single day of your life without you asking. Your lungs have been breathing. Your liver has been filtering. Your muscles have been holding you up. Even when you ignored it, even when you punished it, even when you hated it—your body kept showing up for you.

It kept you alive when you couldn’t even bother to feed it lunch.

Without your body, you don’t exist.

To be clear, I’m not advocating for making your body your entire identity. Some people have been taught that their body is the only thing about them that matters, but that’s just Kid Logic in the other direction. Whether you’re ignoring your body completely or obsessing over every inch of it, you’re still disconnected from Adult Wisdom.

Healthy Adults know their body is an integral part of their identity, but not their entire identity.

After that experience at Onsite, I made a decision:

“I’m going to take good care of this body that’s been taking care of me.”

I went from zero days in the gym for decades to 230 days in the gym the first year. Not because I wanted six-pack abs. Not because I was trying to impress anyone. But because I finally understood: respecting my body isn’t optional. It’s the foundation for everything else I want to do in life.

I finally had a compelling “why”.

Quick aside: I think this is why so many people struggle with physical New Year’s goals.

You say, “I want to lose 10 pounds,” but honestly… who cares? That’s a nothing burger. It’s a “why” based in judgment and insecurity. You’re running away from something you don’t like instead of running toward a higher vision.

That kind of goal has no power behind it, which is why most people quit by February.

My encouragement to you is to find a why that’s actually worth showing up for.

For me, it’s connected to my Primal Question: “Am I safe?”. These days, I work out because I want to deploy strength in the protection of other people. I can’t protect anyone if I’m weak and disconnected from my body. That’s what gets me to the gym even when I don’t feel like it. Not to lose weight. But to become a protector.

Maybe your why is different.

Maybe it’s something like…

• “I want to be a good steward of this body that’s carried me through everything.”

• “I want to be able to play with my grandkids without getting winded.”

• “I want to be capable of helping those in need.”

Find something rooted in love, not fear.

Find something based in Adult Wisdom, not Kid Logic.

Your Action Item For This Week:

First, answer this question: What is my relationship with my body right now?

Am I disconnected from it? Am I punishing it? Am I obsessing over it? Am I respecting it? Just notice where you’re at without judgment. This is about awareness, not shame.

Second, identify one basic way you can better care for your body this week.

Maybe it’s getting 7-8 hours of sleep. Maybe it’s drinking more water. Maybe it’s moving your body for 20 minutes—joyful movement, not punishment. Maybe it’s eating regular meals instead of skipping breakfast and lunch. Pick one thing. Just one. Don’t try to overhaul your entire life.

Third, ask yourself: What’s my compelling why?

If you want to make lasting change with your body, you need a reason that actually matters. Not “I want to lose weight” or “I need to look better.” But something rooted in healthy adult wisdom. Why does caring for your body matter to you? What does it make possible in your life? Write it down.

Kids ignore their bodies. They don’t know when it’s time to sleep. They don’t know how to draw boundaries for how much candy they eat. Left unchecked, most kids would skip the water and go straight for the Mountain Dew at every meal.

Healthy adults take care of their bodies because they know it’s the foundation for everything else they want to do in life.

Lean into Adult Wisdom. Take care of your body like your life depends on it.

Because it does.

Warmly,

Mike Foster

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P.P.S. We’re about to sell out another cohort.

In October, I launched the first cohort of Primal Question PRO, a 4-week program to get certified in the Primal Question model. We filled it in less than 24 hours, and even more surprisingly, we filled HALF of the next cohort the following day.

This next cohort begins in January, and there are fewer than 10 spots still available.

If you are interested in joining, fill out this form to get on the early access list. This is where I will announce that registration is back open, and it will be first-come, first-served from there.