Donald Trump's Primal Question
What drives the most polarizing man in America?
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Today, I want to talk about the man in the Oval Office.
Donald J. Trump
Now before your brain screams, “No politics, please!”... don’t worry.
This isn’t about politics. As an Executive Counselor, I'm less interested in debating his policy or dissecting his tweets, and much more fascinated in exploring the deeper why behind all of it to see what insights we can glean for ourselves.
The question I’m asking is…
What drives the most polarizing man in America?
If you’re familiar with my work, you know where this is headed.
He’s driven by the same thing that drives each of us. His Primal Question. We each have a Primal Question. It represents your apex emotional need in life. It’s the core driver of 99% of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
To uncover that question, we have to go back to his early childhood.
Donald Trump was born into a family where expectations were higher than the skyscrapers that held their family name.
His father, Fred Trump was a hard-charging businessman. He was famously harsh, critical, and demanding. Weakness wasn’t tolerated. Mistakes were punished. Donald once said, “My father was my mentor. But he was also a very tough man. He would sometimes tell me, ‘You’re nothing without me.’”
Donald’s older brother, Fred Jr., didn’t fit the mold.
He was sensitive, relational, and uninterested in the power-driven empire Fred Sr. was building. As a result, Fred Jr. was openly mocked and shamed by the family. When one sibling is publicly shamed for not measuring up, and another is rewarded for being the "success story," it deeply wires a fear of not being good enough unless you win.
Young Donald learned quickly that his value wasn’t unconditional.
It had to be proven, over and over again. The pressure to achieve and maintain greatness was relentless. To fail or show vulnerability was the worst thing imaginable. It meant shame, humiliation, and rejection. Trump’s niece, Mary Trump, who saw the family dynamics firsthand, said, "Donald learned that being humiliated was the worst thing that could happen and he would do everything in his power to avoid that feeling”.
All of this leads me to believe that the question imprinted into little Donald as a child was…
Primal Question #6: “Am I Good Enough?”
What happens in childhood doesn’t stay in childhood.
It creates a lens through which we see the world. Our Primal Question follows us into adulthood. When it’s answered with a YES we feel grounded, but when it’s answered with a NO we go into our chaotic Scramble, which is all the unhealthy coping mechanisms we use to force the answer back to a YES.
You can see Trump's Scramble clearly in his presidency.
From day one, he obsessed over crowd sizes, television ratings, and poll numbers. On his first day in office, he couldn’t tolerate the idea that his inauguration crowd might be smaller than Obama’s. He called the National Park Service, demanded different photos, and insisted publicly that he had "the largest audience ever to witness an inauguration—period".
It seems absurd, right?
But to a Q6, perception isn’t trivial. It’s everything.
Every number, every rating, every headline is personal.
It's validation. And when validation isn't received, the Scramble intensifies. He lashes out at critics, dismisses allies who question him and insists on his exceptionalism at every opportunity. Like when he labeled himself "a very stable genius" or claimed he knows "more about taxes than anyone else in history."
Recently, we saw Trump's Scramble again with the announcement of the "Trump Account" for babies.
Originally named the MAGA Account, this financial benefit for newborns was rebranded at the last moment to literally put Trump’s name on every child’s savings deposit. Then there’s the proposed $40 million military parade for his birthday, a symbolic spectacle designed primarily to feed Trump's craving for adoration and respect. Oh, and he wants to put his face on the hundred-dollar bill.
I mean, come on. Where does the ego end?
For years, Trump’s Scramble drove me absolutely nuts.
I'd look at these behaviors and think, "Dude, this is insane. Grow up! Stop being so massively insecure."
So, how did I stop getting so frustrated with Trump?
I stopped looking at his scramble and started looking at mine.
You see, it’s easy to judge other people’s scrambles without looking at the insanity of our own. When we're in our own scramble, we do things that make perfect sense to us but look completely insane to everyone else. And believe me, I’m speaking from experience.
My Primal Question is, "Am I safe?"
One of the ways I feel safe is through financial security. COVID triggered a full-blown scramble in me. Financial uncertainty ignited all my deepest fears about safety.
So, what did I do?
I sold everything in my house.
Nothing was safe. I listed it all on Facebook Marketplace. Furniture, gadgets, kitchenware, you name it. Even my wife’s headphones. Yes, I sold my wife’s pink Bose headphones on the internet without her permission. (Quick marriage advice: Don’t do that!)
Even worse, I sold everything for super cheap, like 70% of what it was worth.
Looking back, I realize how crazy that was. But at the time? It made perfect sense. Money represented safety, and safety was everything.
My point is this:
When we’re in our scramble, we act crazy. Trump is no different. Now, when I see Trump’s outbursts or bizarre demands, I see it with a little less hostility and a little more compassion.
I don’t see a crazy person. Or a bad person.
I see a little kid inside a grown man’s body, still wondering if he’s good enough for his dad. Still asking desperately, “Am I good enough as I am?” And tragically, still hearing the answer, "No."
This doesn't let Trump off the hook for any mistakes he's made. Accountability matters. Actions have consequences.
That's not the real point here.
The real point is focusing on what we can control rather than obsessing over what we cannot. The thing we can control is our own lives. Our own Primal Question. Our own reaction to our Scramble.
As a society, we would be better off if we each took our eyes off everyone else and took ownership of our own mess.
So, here’s my advice to you:
Take a moment this week to honestly reflect on your own scramble.
Ask yourself:
How does my scramble show up in my life?
What’s the craziest thing I’ve down to get my need met?
How can I extend an ounce more empathy and softness to myself and others?
How might I take more responsibility for meeting my need in healthy ways?
The sad thing is, Trump has never done an ounce of emotional work, and he probably never will.
But you can. The world changes when we take responsibility for our own lives, our own fears, and our own needs. Trump’s scramble might be loud and frustrating, but it's also a powerful mirror, showing us what happens when we don’t process our pain, and inviting us to take ownership of our own stuff, so we don’t pass it on to others.
To your growth,
Mike Foster
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