Beautiful excuses
And how to move past them with a Primal Truth vision.
Hey friend,
Welcome back to the Primal Question Newsletter.
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One of my favorite parts of Primal Question PRO is that we’re always making improvements.
One of the fun elements we recently added is LIVE coaching.
The truth is, information isn’t enough to learn how to coach people. That’s why we added another layer: demonstration. Every week on our Masterclass Mondays, I coach a participant live to demonstrate how the model plays out in a real coaching session.
Today, I want to walk you through one of the principles I recently demonstrated, because it applies to all of us (whether you’re a coach or not).
Even if you don’t think you have a vision for the future, you do.
Whether it’s conscious or not, you have an idea of the way you expect life to play out. That idea is based on your past and your present. It shapes how you show up and make decisions every single day.
The question is: is that vision rooted in your Primal Question or your Primal Truth?
This matters more than you probably realize, and my coaching moment with Lori will show you why.
Lori’s Primal Question is Q6: “Am I good enough?” She’s a licensed minister, mentor, and coach who leads transformational retreats. At least, that’s what she’s done before.
Lately, that type of work has taken a back seat.
When I asked what would be most valuable to talk about in our coaching moment, she told me:
“I want to get back to the work I love, but I keep talking myself out of it. Telling myself I’m a new grandma. I’m too busy. Now is not the right time. While those things are valid, I know I’m using them as really beautiful excuses to not step up and be vulnerable and dive in.”
Beautiful excuses.
I love that phrase, and isn’t that what we all do?
We have a vision for the future. Something we would love to accomplish. Maybe it’s writing a book, creating a community, making a career change, or impacting lives in some way. But we keep making beautiful excuses.
Now, remember. Lori is in the process of becoming a certified Primal Question PRO. She already knew the real reason she was holding back.
“My inside doesn’t match my outside.”
Spoken like a true Q6, Lori went on to tell me that when she leads retreats, she shows up with external confidence. Everyone else experiences her as powerful, creative, and effective. But on the inside? It’s a different story.
“I’ve done this many, many times, but I never arrive with the confidence from what I’ve already done.”
Her Primal Question (Am I good enough?) was running the show.
She was focused on what I call an Anti-Vision. It’s a picture of the future that produces stress. It’s when you’re thinking about taking a risk, but instead of getting excited about what could go right, you start imagining all of the terrible ways it could go wrong.
For a Q6 in their Scramble, the future doesn’t look exciting.
It looks like exposure…
What if this doesn’t work?
What if I don’t “have it” anymore?
What if everyone finds out I don’t actually know what I’m doing?
It’s almost impossible to take healthy action when you’re fixated on an Anti-Vision.
That’s why I invited Lori into a Primal Truth Vision.
I didn’t dive into the fear. I didn’t unpack her insecurity or get into the heaviness. I didn’t even try to talk her out of those beautiful excuses.
Instead, I asked her to paint a new picture.
“What would it look like if you showed up to this work knowing you’re already good enough? If you were already fully convinced of your value, what would change? How would you show up differently?”
She lit up.
She said she’d be more creative. Less rigid. She’d follow the moment instead of white-knuckling the plan. She described times when she let herself operate that way. Those were always the moments people said were the most powerful.
She told me that, in those moments, she feels energized and at peace, like she’s soaring.
After that, I brought her back to current reality.
“Now, what will life look like if you keep asking yourself whether you’re good enough?”
She got quiet.
“It looks like regret. I know so many older adults in my parents’ generation who never did the thing they wanted to do. I don’t want to be that person 20 years from now who didn’t do the thing.”
Now, she had two clear pictures in front of her.
One fueled by her Primal Truth: I am good enough. A picture of creativity, freedom, impact, and soaring.
One fueled by her Primal Question: Am I good enough? A picture of beautiful excuses, of playing it safe, staying in stagnation, and ultimately, of regret.
I asked her which picture she wanted.
“Of course I want the first one,” she said.
So I asked her to make a commitment. Not to me. Not to anyone else on the call or even to the people she wants to impact. But to herself. One concrete step toward the picture she actually wants.
She committed to planning a leadership retreat before the end of the year.
That’s how fast things can move when you get someone out of their question and into their truth.
Here’s the principle I want you to take away from this.
You cannot cast a healthy vision from your Scramble.
The Scramble distorts everything. If your Primal Question is running the show, it will either make the future look like a blank wall — where you can’t see past today — or it will fill the future with worst-case scenarios that keep you frozen or frantic.
Stepping into your Primal Truth is what unlocks healthy, aligned vision.
So try this for yourself.
Imagine you are fully convinced of your Primal Truth. Doesn’t matter if you actually feel it right now. Just imagine it.
I am already safe.
I am already secure.
I am already loved.
I am already wanted.
I am already successful.
I am already good enough.
I already have purpose.
Imagine no one could ever possibly take that away from you.
Now, what would your life look like if you operated from that truth? What are you doing? Who are you with? What are you creating? What are you NOT doing anymore? How do you feel? How are other people experiencing you?
Then, paint the anti-vision.
What does it look like if you stay in your question for another year? Five years? Twenty? How does life turn out if you keep asking that question and waiting for the world to answer it with a yes?
Take 30 minutes to put both pictures down on paper.
Make 1 commitment towards that Primal Truth Vision this week. Not to me. To you.
A commitment sounds like: “I will do [ACTION] by [DATE].”
Then, go do it.
To your growth,
Mike Foster
P.S. Was this helpful?
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P.P.S. We just wrapped up the April Cohort of Primal Question PRO!
Here are some quotes from seven of the newly certified coaches about their experience…
“PQ accelerated my coaching ability to a level I didn’t know existed.” - Stephen McIntosh
“I’ve started using it with clients, and the results are phenomenal. It’s immediately accessible and implementable.” - Lori Roeleveld
“I’ve been doing IFS, 12-step, ACA, inner child work, and weekly therapy for 6 years. This was a powerful shift to action — not just ‘trauma karaoke’ as Mike has said it.” - Jeremy Ramos
“It outlines the model really well, but not only that, it goes beyond to explain the actual process to go through to have a beneficial coaching session.” - Bethany Boring
“I read the book and followed the newsletter for a year but didn’t truly appreciate the breadth and power of PQ until this course.” - Jeff Currey
“It further strengthened my skills and efficacy as a therapist and coach. It was worth the investment.” - Curt Hampton
“This will not only benefit your coaching practice, but it will help you out of your own scramble.” Stuart Welch
If you want to join the next cohort in July, make sure you add your name to this list!