Is Your "Identity" Holding You Back?

If you're struggling to achieve a goal, try this.

Can I tell you what I hear almost every February?

"I really thought this year would be different."

We all start January with such hope, don't we? This is going to be the year we finally write that book, lose the weight, learn that instrument, start that business.

We're ready. We're committed. This year, it's really going to happen!

But then life happens.

Work gets busy. Kids get sick. That project at work needs extra attention. And suddenly, we're looking at a dusty guitar in the corner, an unused gym membership, and a Google Doc that hasn't been opened in weeks.

When I dig deeper with people about why their resolutions aren't sticking, it's rarely about time management or willpower.

It's almost always about something much more fundamental: how they see themselves. Today, I'm going to show you why you might be struggling with your New Year’s goals, and more importantly, how to turn it around.

The Identity Secret to Actually Achieving Your Goals

Human beings always act, feel, and perform in a way that aligns with what they believe to be true about themselves. This is one of the most powerful principles I've discovered in my work with transformation. Everything flows from identity. Every limitation flows from identity. Every removal of a limitation flows from identity.

Here's where most people go wrong with their resolutions:

1. They try to change behavior without addressing identity.

James Clear makes a really insightful and compelling case that we need to make our habits identity-based, not goal-based or outcome-based. The people who are most successful in developing new habits don't just say "I want to lose 20 pounds." Instead, they say "I am a person who cares about health. I am a healthy person. I am a disciplined person."

2. They let past setbacks define who they think they are.

We get trapped in old stories about ourselves, like "I'm just not athletic" or "I'm not the type of person who can stick to things." These become self-fulfilling prophecies.

3. They default to negative self-labels.

One of my pet peeves is when people say they are "broken."

You're not broken - you're healing. You're growing. You're learning. But you're not broken. We have to be aware of the language we put on ourselves because negative self-talk does not produce positive results, and we don't grow by beating ourselves down.

Here's what I recommend instead:

1. Change Your Noun

Make sure you know your noun - the word you use to complete the sentence "I am..." Because your noun drives your behavior. Your noun drives your relationships. If you want to write a book, start seeing yourself as a writer. If you want to get healthy, embrace the identity of an athlete.

2. Question Your Labels

Most of us have set points that are way too low and inaccurate. Take a hard look at the labels you put on yourself. Who gave them to you? Who benefits from them? What if they’re way off base? What if you’re dead wrong about your limitations?

3. Live From Truth

If you want to be something, if you want a quality, you have to act as if you already have it. This is called the "as if" principle. Start taking actions that align with your new identity, no matter how small. Each action is a vote for the person you're becoming.

Your action item for this week:

Think about that resolution you started the year with.

What identity are you letting hold you back from achieving it? Maybe you've been telling yourself "I'm not disciplined enough" or "I'm just not good at following through." Write down that current self-limiting identity.

Then, create a new one that aligns with your goal.

Instead of "I want to write a book," try "I am a writer." Instead of "I want to get in shape," embrace "I am someone who prioritizes health." Then tomorrow morning, act as if it is true. Take one small action that matches this new identity - even if it's just writing one paragraph or taking a 10-minute walk.

You got this 🙌

Warmly,

Mike Foster