Why your sermons fall flat

1 Communication Mistake Pastors Make (and how to fix it to connect with more of your congregation)

A few months ago, I traveled to speak at a church and train their staff on The Seven Primal Questions.

These days, I mainly work with executives and corporate teams, so it was fun to revisit my ministry roots and talk about how the Primal Question relates to our relationship with God. At the end of our time together, the pastor pulled me aside with something that was clearly weighing on him. The church was growing to the point where they were planting another campus. They had already chosen the pastor for the church plant.

The problem? It was NOT going well, and he couldn't figure out why.

This new pastor was incredibly talented, passionate, driven, gifted, and theologically sharp.

He was the kind of guy you want on your team. Yet for some reason, he just wasn't connecting with the congregation. It was like all his messages were falling flat. I dug a little deeper. After a couple of questions, I knew exactly what was happening.

It all came down to his Primal Question #5: “Am I successful?"

Every talk he gave was littered with Q5 language:

• God has big plans for us!

• We’re going to build something incredible!

• Together, we’re going to accomplish amazing things!

That stuff just wasn’t landing. Why?

He was making the same mistake most pastors make.

Here's what I've discovered after years of working with church leaders: pastors communicate through the filter of their Primal Question. They subconsciously assume their congregation cares about the same thing they do. But this creates a massive blind spot that's costing them connection with their people every single Sunday.

Here’s what this looks like…

• If your Primal Question is "Am I safe?" Your church becomes focused on creating an environment where people feel protected. You emphasize biblical authority, clear processes, and safe approaches to ministry. You're highly aware of potential conflict and work hard to maintain peace and stability. You probably have a heavy emphasis on campus security, volunteer screening, and background checks to keep everyone safe.

• If your Primal Question is "Am I loved?" You build a church that feels like a warm family gathering. Everything revolves around making people feel special, heard, and unconditionally accepted. Personal connection and emotional intimacy become the cornerstone of your ministry approach. You probably have a lot of spaces for people to feel seen, heard, and known.

• If your Primal Question is "Am I wanted?" You create a church where anyone can come and belong. Your focus centers on inclusion, making sure everyone feels they have a place and that no one gets left out or overlooked in the community. You probably have programs for every demographic and age, so everyone can find a small group or community where they belong.

• If your Primal Question is "Do I have a purpose?" You believe your congregation needs to constantly hear about mission, legacy, and changing the world. Every sermon connects back to calling, making your life count, and eternal significance. You probably have more programs that focus on impacting your neighborhood, city, and the world.

Hear me loud and clear.

None of this is bad!

Back to the church plant pastor, his knack for making things successful is a gift he gets to give to the congregation. The problem is, when you don’t know how to speak to the other 6 questions, you risk losing the majority of your congregation every Sunday. People start checking out mentally because nothing you're saying connects with their deepest need.

What should you do instead?

Don't preach to yourself. Preach to all Seven Primal Questions.

Step 1: Understand Your Own Primal Question

The first step is getting crystal clear on your own core emotional need—the question that drives 99% of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

This is your default communication style and the lens through which you naturally see everything, including how you approach ministry. When you know your Primal Question, you can start to recognize when you're speaking only to people who think like you. Most pastors have never done this work, which is why they keep wondering why their sermons aren't connecting.

Step 2: Learn to Spot Your Primal Question Language

You're never going to completely avoid speaking your Primal Question language, and you shouldn't try to.

The key is learning to spot it so you can adjust and speak to the other questions as well. Here are some telltale words and phrases that reveal which Primal Question you're addressing:

• Question 1 (Am I safe?): Protection, shelter, refuge, God as defender

• Question 2 (Am I secure?): Provision, stability, God as provider, financial blessing

• Question 3 (Am I loved?): Beloved, cherished, God's heart for you, unconditional acceptance

• Question 4 (Am I wanted?): Chosen, belonging, community, inclusion

• Question 5 (Am I successful?): Victory, breakthrough, achievement, building God's kingdom, accomplishing great things

• Question 6 (Am I good enough?): Grace, approval, measuring up, being worthy, God's acceptance despite flaws

• Question 7 (Do I have a purpose?): Calling, significance, destiny, making a difference, your life matters

Once you know what to listen for, you'll start hearing it everywhere in your own preaching.

Step 3: Intentionally Speak to All Seven Questions

After you write your sermon, go back through and audit your language.

Identify where you're speaking only to your question, then think about how you can tailor portions of your message to the other six needs. This doesn't mean watering down your message or making it confusing. It means becoming more complete in how you communicate God's truth because He meets all 7 needs.

A Warning About This Process

This might feel strange at first.

When you start speaking to someone else's need instead of your own, it might feel like your message isn't as strong or powerful. That's because you're shifting it away from YOUR core need. If your Primal Question is "Do I have a purpose?" it's going to feel less powerful to talk about how God meets our need for safety because you're not naturally wired that way.

Remember, there are people in your congregation whose need for safety is just as important to them as your need for purpose, and the same is true for all 7 questions.

The goal isn't to abandon your gift, but to expand your reach.

Here’s your action item for today:

• If you haven’t yet, take the free assessment to discover your question.

• Read the book to understand all Seven Primal Questions.

If you want to dive even deeper and learn how to preach, pastor, and counsel using this model, join the waitlist for the new certification we’re launching this fall. There will only be 20 spots, so make sure you complete that form to be the first to hear about it.

To your growth,
Mike Foster

P.S. Was this helpful?

If so, don’t click away without leaving a like or comment or sharing with another friend or pastor! What stuck out? What do you still have questions about? Let me know in the comments, I’d love for you to join the conversation.

Your engagement helps others discover their Primal Question.

Thanks for reading :)