When Twinkle Lights Reveal Our Sadness

It’s okay to not be okay during the holidays.

For some, this season feels like stepping into a snow globe—cozy, magical, and filled with joy. The twinkle lights glow, the carols play, and the world feels just a little bit softer. But for others, those same lights and songs stir up something different.

Instead of warmth, they bring memories that ache.

• Being home might remind you of a painful childhood moment.

• The empty chair at the dinner table might bring grief back to the surface.

• Or maybe the short, dark days of winter bring a heaviness that feels hard to shake.

The endless cheer can sometimes make it feel even lonelier when your heart isn’t in the same place as everyone else.

Here’s what I want you to know:

It’s okay to not be okay during the holidays.

You don’t have to pretend.
You don’t have to force yourself into joy you don’t feel.
You don’t have to be who others expect you to be.

You can be real. You can be raw. And you can honor exactly where you are right now.

I think there’s this unspoken pressure during the holidays to “fake it til you make it.” To put on a brave face and act like everything’s merry and bright. But the truth is, trying to push down how you really feel only makes the weight heavier.

Here’s my hunch:

If you let yourself be honest—if you stop pretending and allow the sadness or grief or whatever it is to have its space—something surprising will happen.

You’ll start to notice little moments of beauty peeking through the winter blackness.

A laugh you didn’t expect. The smell of cookies baking. The way the lights shimmer on the tree. These tiny sparks of joy can exist right alongside your sadness. They don’t erase the hard stuff, but they remind you that even here, there are glimmers of light.

So what do you do when it doesn’t feel like the most wonderful time of the year?

First, give yourself permission to feel.

There’s no right or wrong way to experience the holidays, and there’s no rule that says you have to be cheerful. Let the emotions come, whatever they are—tears, anger, or grief. You don’t need to fight them. Write them down, talk them out, or simply sit with them.

Sometimes, that’s enough.

Then, simplify.

Let go of the pressure to make this season picture-perfect. You don’t have to prepare the perfect meal, decorate the cookies, or say yes to every invitation. Instead, focus on small moments that feel meaningful to you. A quiet cup of coffee. A favorite old movie. Lighting a candle and sitting in silence.

Sometimes, less is more.

Protect your space, too.

If certain gatherings or conversations drain you, it’s okay to set boundaries. Show up late, leave early, or step away when you need to. Take a walk, sneak away to read, or just sit quietly for a moment. It’s not selfish—it’s self-care. And it helps you show up more fully in the moments that matter.

And finally, don’t give up on those tiny sparks of joy.

Keep an eye out for them. They might not come as big, flashy moments, but they’re there. The laughter of a child, the sound of your favorite carol, the taste of something warm and sweet. Let those little things remind you that even in the heaviness, there’s still goodness in the little things.

Friend, you don’t have to get this season “right.”

You don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations—not even your own. The holidays can be messy and imperfect and still hold meaning.

So if you’re feeling the weight of this season, I want to remind you again:

It’s okay to not be okay during the holidays.

Sadness and joy can sit side by side. Grief and love can hold hands. And when you let yourself be real, those little glimpses of light and hope have a way of finding you—even in the darkest moments.

You’ve got this. And wherever you are this season, you’re not alone.

Warmly,
Mike

P.S. If this season feels especially heavy, take five minutes today to let yourself rest. Wrap up in a blanket, light a candle, and just breathe. You don’t have to do it all. Sometimes, simply being is enough.