What is Adele’s Primal Question?

Behind the lyrics. A little girl who just wanted to be loved.

Good morning, friend.

If this is your first time here, welcome. Thousands of thoughtful, growth-minded people read along each week. Join them here.

Everyone deserves to know their Primal Question, so don’t keep us a secret. Forward this email or share it with a friend. (Copy link here)

Today, I want to talk about Adele.

Not the award-winning, world-touring, tear-jerking vocal powerhouse. I want to talk about the human behind the heartbreak songs. Because while the world is fascinated by Adele’s insane range and heart-touching lyrics, I’m more interested in why she sings them.

What drives Adele?

If you’re familiar with my work, you know where this is headed.

Each of us is walking around with a hidden question that drives our lives. We started asking it as children, and we’ve never stopped. It’s the undercurrent beneath our relationships, choices, and even our success. If you’re new to my work, learn more about The Seven Primal Questions here.

For Adele, I believe that question is: Am I loved?

This is Primal Question #3 — the most common one I see in my coaching work.

Here’s why I think this is Adele’s Primal Question…

A childhood imprint that never left.

Adele grew up in Tottenham, North London. Her dad left when she was just three years old. He struggled with addiction and failed to stay involved in her life.

“The absolute lack of presence and effort... it took my dad from me,” she told Oprah, through tears.

That’s the kind of experience that sears a Primal Question into your being. Once a child internalizes the idea that love can be here one day and gone the next, it rewires their emotional world.

Adele later shared, “He was the reason I haven’t fully accessed what it is to be in a loving, loving relationship with somebody.”

The scramble for love.

Q3s crave deep connection. They long to be seen, heard, and emotionally known. But when that need isn’t consistently met, they enter what I call “The Scramble”. This represents all the behavioral adaptations we use to cope when our Primal Question is answered with a “NO” and to try to force the answer back to a “YES”.

For Adele, it looked like….

• People-Pleasing: Trying to win approval, even from strangers. As she sings in I Drink Wine: “Why am I seeking approval from people I don’t even know?”
  

• Over-Giving: Pouring herself into relationships until she’s depleted. She’s said she used to “keep things going” at the cost of her own emotional well-being.
  

• Accepting Unhealthy Love: Sometimes sabotaging connection before she can be hurt. She’s admitted to hurting partners first just to protect herself. This is a form of avoidance. Before someone can answer your question with a no, you strike first.
  

• Attachment and Obsession: Holding on tightly to love out of fear it might disappear. In All I Ask, she pleads, “What if I never love again?” That’s not just heartbreak. That’s primal fear.

Removing love from a Q3 is like removing the sun from their emotional solar system. Everything comes crashing down. When her marriage to Simon Konecki ended in 2019, she spiraled. She once mentioned she was going to therapy every day after the relationship ended.

That’s not drama.

That’s a Q3 scrambling to reclaim a YES.

Adele’s Primal Gift.

Here’s the beautiful part: every Primal Question holds a superpower.

For a Q3, that gift is love itself.

Q3s are natural nurturers. After a lifetime of looking for love, they know how to meet the emotional and physical needs of others. They are wired for empathy, connection, and care. They help people feel seen, heard, and treasured.

That’s Adele.

Her heartbreak is real — but so is her ability to help the rest of us feel less alone.

She doesn’t just sing lyrics. She shares stories that make people feel seen.

And she doesn’t just perform for her fans — she connects with them. She chats with them mid-show. She hugs them. She cries with them. At a recent concert, she even paused to do a gender reveal with a couple in the audience, showering them in joy and tears.

That’s not showbiz. That’s her Primal Gift in motion.

Her love is big, wide, messy, and honest.

And it reaches the rest of us.

Is this your Primal Question?

If you find yourself in Adele’s story, if you’ve ever stayed too long, given too much, or bent yourself into a version of “lovable” just to be accepted — let me say something clearly:

You are already loved.

You are already worthy of love.

^ Please read that again, slowly.

You don’t need to shape-shift to keep someone close.

You don’t have to perform, prove, or perfect yourself.

Real love doesn’t ask you to disappear in order to belong.

So here’s a small practice:

Take 10 minutes this week and reflect on these questions:

• Where am I settling for unhealthy love?

• Where am I abandoning myself to get someone else to stay?

• What would change if I believed, deep down, that I am already loved?

Then, write this somewhere visible:

“I am loved. I don’t have to live for it. I get to live from it.”

Adele’s Primal Question — “Am I loved?” — shaped her struggles.

But it also shaped her brilliance.

When she lives from the TRUTH that she is loved, she becomes a powerful force of healing and connection.

And so can you.

To your growth,

Mike Foster

P.S. Want to discover your own Primal Question? Take our free 5-minute assessment at primalquestion.com. It'll help you understand what's driving your own behavior and ministry style. Knowing your question changes everything.