The Galileo of Personal Development
You are living like the Earth is at the center of the universe.
Hey friends,
Welcome back to the Primal Question Newsletter!
I’ll be honest: some people look at me like I’m nuts when I talk about all the implications of the Primal Question.
When I describe how this 1 question influences…
All your relationships.
All your decisions.
All emotional health
All mental health.
All performance.
All unwanted behaviors.
And more.
Even if they don’t say it out loud, I can sometimes tell what people are thinking…
“Really? Everything in my entire life revolves around 1 question? It can’t be that simple.”
I know how it sounds, but my 6 years of research, 6,000+ hours of 1-on-1 interviews, and 100,000 assessments keep pointing to the same thing: this is true, and it is that simple. I sort of feel like I’m trying to convince people that trees have roots. That the air has oxygen. Or that the solar system revolves around the sun.
In some ways…
I feel like the Galileo of personal development.
Up until the 17th century, everyone was certain of one thing: the Earth is the center of the universe.
Of course it is! Just look up. You can see for yourself how the sun, planets, and stars all revolve around us. To them, it was just common sense.
Then, Galileo came along and said… actually, no.
The sun is the center of the universe. The Earth and other planets and stars all revolve around it. Nobody believed him, but he was right.
And once this truth was accepted, it didn’t just tweak a scientific diagram.
It shattered people’s minds. It completely altered their view of reality itself. This one simple truth forever changed science, religion, and culture.
I say this with love, but here’s my take.
When it comes to your emotional health and personal development…
You are living like the Earth is at the center of the universe.
There’s a reason the sun is at the center.
Its mass is so enormous that it has the gravitational pull to hold every planet in orbit. Put the Earth at the center instead, and the math collapses. The Earth doesn’t have the mass to hold the system together, so the planets go flying.
Everything crashes into everything like a scrambley cosmic mess.
The same thing happens in our lives.
When you put the wrong thing at the center of your emotional solar system, you get a messy life. That’s what most of us are doing, and it’s why so many of us spend so many of our days in a nonstop scramble just to feel okay.
We think…
Finding the right spouse will cure our loneliness.
Being more disciplined will get rid of our shame.
Getting that big raise will ease our stress.
Let me pause here for a moment and ask you:
What’s that thing for you? What’s the thing that you keep daydreaming about? The thing you think will make everything else okay. The thing at the end of “If only…”
Whatever it is, I’m here to say, that thing is important — but it’s the earth, not the sun.
It doesn’t have the mass or the gravitational pull to keep everything else in your emotional solar system stable, and the longer you live in denial about that, the longer you’ll be dealing with a Scrambley mess. Not because you’re bad, wrong, unlovable, or undisciplined, but because you’re out of alignment with reality.
Something else is already at the center of your life.
So what is actually at the center?
Just like there are stars, planets, comets, and — I don’t know — black holes in space, there are a lot of important components floating around in your emotional world.
Among other things....
We have habits and behaviors.
We have emotions and feelings.
We have thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives.
At the root of all of them, we have something our culture doesn’t like to acknowledge.
We all have needs.
Needs control everything. To mix metaphors for a second: needs are the root system of your emotional world. Everything else in your life grows out of them. Here’s how it works.
We all have 7 core needs in life.
All of them matter, but only one is the “sun” in your emotional solar system.
I call these 7 needs The Seven Primal Questions because we move through life subconsciously wondering if they’ll be met:
Am I safe?
Am I secure?
Am I loved?
Am I wanted?
Am I successful?
Am I good enough?
Do I have a purpose?
One of these is your Primal Question.
It represents your greatest need in life. When that question gets answered with a “no” — when you sense your most important need isn’t going to be met — it produces feelings. And those feelings drive you to take action to force the answer back to a “yes.”
We humans are notorious for trying to force that “yes” in the most unhealthy, unhelpful ways imaginable, which is why I call this state The Scramble.
Galileo’s revolutionary claim is that everything orbits the Sun.
Here’s my revolutionary claim…
Your whole life orbits your most important need.
Notice, I didn’t say that your whole life orbits your Primal Question.
This is important, so stay with me. There’s a truth I need you to internalize, deep in your bones. It’s a truth that, once accepted, will alter your life the same way Galileo’s discovery altered science, religion, and culture.
There is no question about your need.
It’s never been up for question.
At the center of your emotional solar system is a statement. It’s what I call your Primal Truth. It’s what happens when you flip the question into a statement, no longer “Am I safe?” but “I am safe.” Here’s why this matters so much.
When you live out of your question, you Scramble for answers, and put lesser things at the center.
When you live from this statement about your need, you come into agreement with the truth and live in harmony again.
I’m not saying you’ll never get triggered ever again. I was totally thrown into my Scramble last weekend. But living in the truth about your need will allow you to feel more grounded, most days. There’s so much more I could cover here.
Maybe I’ll do a follow-up newsletter diving even deeper into this analogy (so let me know in the comments if this has been helpful).
But here’s what I’ll leave you with.
Go back to the thing you thought of earlier. The “if only.” The relationship. The promotion. The bigger house. The number in the bank account. The move you keep telling yourself will finally make everything okay.
Now walk through three questions.
1. Which of the seven needs am I hoping this will meet?
Look past the thing itself. You’re not actually chasing the house — you’re chasing what you believe the house will make you feel. Safe. Secure. Successful. Wanted. Name the need hiding underneath the thing.
2. What if that need is already met — and I just can’t see it?
This is the hard one because your brain will fight you on it. You’re so used to living in the question that your brain often refuses to even consider the answer. Sit with the possibility anyway: what if the thing you need most is something you already have? Something you already are.
3. Make a list of ways your need is already met.
Compile the evidence. Go looking for it. Write down the ways your greatest need is already met. Every way you’re already safe. Already loved. Already valuable. Already enough.
This is how you move the sun back to the center.
To your growth,
Mike Foster
P.S. If you don’t know which of the seven is your Primal Question yet, start by taking the free assessment.
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