[Part 5] Healthy Adulting 101

Kid Logic: "I am what I do for work."

Welcome back to the Primal Question Newsletter.

My name is Mike Foster. If you’re new around here, I’m an Executive Coach who works with all sorts of world changers, from Navy SEALs to reality stars to nonprofit founders to executives of billion-dollar companies.

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Over the past few weeks, we’ve walked through different life domains where Kid Logic undermines us. We’ve covered the four parts of your internal world: body, mind, heart, and soul.

For the next several weeks, we’re going to cover some of the “external” domains of life.

Today, we’re tackling career.

If you want a more enjoyable, successful career in 2025, here’s what you need to know…

The best thing you can do for your career is upgrade every other area of your life.

I know that sounds backwards.

But stick with me, because this might be the most important thing I share in this entire series.

Every day, I see people who are wildly successful professionally but falling apart everywhere else. The CEO whose marriage is on the rocks. The pastor whose kids can’t stand them. The business owner who hasn’t seen her friends in months because she’s in a “busy season” (again).

And here’s what they all tell themselves: “Once I get through this quarter, once I land this deal, once I hit this milestone—then I’ll prioritize the other areas of my life.”

But that day never comes.

This pattern is fueled by a Kid Logic view of our identity…

Kid Logic: “I am what I do for work.”

This belief is everywhere. It’s the water we swim in. It’s the first question we ask each other at parties: “So what do you do?”

Because that’s what we value. That’s what we’ve been conditioned to believe defines us. Our entire society reinforces this. The American work ethic. The reward systems we’ve built around career achievement. Even the simple fact that we spend most of our waking hours at work.

It all says the same thing: you are what you do for work.

But when our entire identities are wrapped up in our careers, we’re setting ourselves up for a crisis.

Crisis #1: You can’t leave.

It’s the pastor who can’t leave their church. The founder who can’t hand over the reins and retire. Their entire identity is tied to that position, so they stay past their expiration date because they can’t imagine who they’d be if their job went away.

Crisis #2: You’re forced to leave.

Think about professional football players. From childhood through college, their entire life is built around getting to the NFL. Then they retire at 35, and they often lose themselves. They have no idea who they are without football. But it’s not just athletes. It’s anyone who gets fired or forced to leave a career they’ve built their identity around.

If all your eggs are in the career basket, you’re one bad quarter away from an identity crisis.

Crisis #3: You win, but you lose.

Here’s the third problem: even if you “succeed” in your career, what did you actually win? Great, your bank account has plenty of zeros. But your marriage is falling apart. Your kids barely know you. Your health is a wreck. Who cares if you’re sitting in the corner office if your family can’t stand you?

You would never call a business successful if only one department was winning.

The same is true in life, and I had to learn that the hard way.

For years, I believed “providing more” for my family was the pathway to a thriving life.

If I could just work hard enough, be successful enough, everything else would be okay. My marriage would be fine. My kids would be fine. My health would be fine. Everything else would fall into place once I got my work in line.

But it’s completely backwards.

The greatest upgrade to my career didn’t come from working harder. It didn’t come from grinding more hours or getting better at my craft. It came from focusing on the OTHER domains of my life that matter.

When I got serious about my sleep. When I started prioritizing exercise. When I dealt with my overactive mind. When I invested more intentional energy into my marriage and parenting. When I started taking intentional time to have fun.

Those were the things that (ironically) leveled up my career.

That’s why, on my first call with every potential client, I tell them straight up:

“I’m not here to make you a better business person. I’m not interested in working in only one domain of your life. We’re going to talk about your marriage. Your family. Your health. Your friendships. Your spiritual life. I’m going to hold you accountable so that your life isn’t just made up of one domain. Otherwise, I won’t work with you.”

That’s because Adult Wisdom doesn’t fall for the work-based identity trap.

Adult Wisdom says, “I am many things in any given day.”

Healthy Adults understand they carry multiple identities.

I’m a husband of 28 years. A dad. A friend. A neighbor. A Christian. And yes, I’m an executive coach, author, and speaker. But when someone asks me who I am, “executive coach” doesn’t really tell you much. It’s one small piece of the pie.

Healthy adults nurture ALL their identities.

They have strategies, vision, and intention for all aspects of who they are—not just their vocational expression.

That’s why, as we close out the year, I want to invite you to do the same thing I require of all my clients. Don’t just set goals for your job. Don’t just set goals for your health.

Craft a vision for every domain in your life.

• What’s your vision for your marriage in 2026?

• What does being a world-class parent look like for you?

• What’s your vision for your health?

• Your friendships?

• Your spiritual life?

• Your hobbies?

Most people only have vision for their career and money. Maybe their health. Everything else is just... hoping it works out.

That’s a losing strategy.

The paradox will blow your mind when you begin to experience it: When you stop making your career your whole life, your career actually gets better. Because you show up as a whole person. You have more energy, more clarity, more creativity.

You’re not putting pressure on your work to fulfill you, so you can actually enjoy it.

Your Action Item:

1. Write down all the aspects of your identity. Who are you really? Spouse, parent, friend, neighbor, coach? Write down whatever applies.

2. Ask yourself honestly—which domain am I neglecting? Where am I operating on autopilot, hoping things will just work out? What’s that one area I’m always putting off until “later”?

3. Craft a vision for that ONE neglected domain this week. Not all of them. Just one. Take the same level of intention you apply to your career, and map out a growth plan for that area of your life.

Warmly,

Mike Foster

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