How to parent with peace of mind

Good news: you’re already crushing it in one very important area.

Good morning, friend.

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Today, I want to talk about one of the most emotionally charged, high-stakes roles we’ll ever take on: Parenting.

Parenting is stressful (understatement of the year).

I’ve had a ton of exposure to the pressures of parenting, not just because I’m a parent, but because half the time in my coaching sessions—whether I’m working with a Navy SEAL or a CEO—we’re not talking about leadership, productivity, or growth strategies.

We’re talking about their kids.

There’s just something about parenting that brings it all to the surface.

Our fears, our hopes, our sense of self-worth. Add to that the pressure of conflicting parenting philosophies, and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. There are so many parenting methods out there, and many of them contradict each other.

It leaves many parents asking a sobering question…

“How do I know if I’m getting this right?”

So what do most parents do? Some try to pick a method and stick with it. Others get so overwhelmed they check out. Instead of choosing one method, they just choose “none” method. And honestly, I get it. It can feel like you’re always one wrong move away from screwing up your kid forever.

But passive parenting isn’t the answer either.

Because this job matters.

You’re not just managing behavior. You’re raising a human being. A future adult. Someone who will eventually leave your home and walk into the world, hopefully standing tall, secure, and emotionally grounded. And I want to help you get that right.

Here’s the good news:

You’re already crushing it in one very important area.

You may not even realize it, but I can almost guarantee it. Because every parent naturally does this one thing: You parent through your Primal Question.

Let me explain what that means.

Each of us has a Primal Question. Mine is “Am I safe?”

So, you guessed it: I often parent through fear. I parent through the lens of protection. I’ve always been a little too concerned about what could go wrong. I mean, my son is about to turn 26. He’s a grown man, but the last thing I say to him as he leaves our house is, “Make sure you drive safe.”

Why? Because I need him to be safe so I can feel safe.

Or take my wife, Jennifer’s, Primal Question: “Am I loved?” She brings love to her parenting. She brings empathy. She brings warmth and emotional generosity into the home. She’s a great listener. This is her parenting superpower.

So here’s what happens:

We parent to our Primal Question, and that’s not a bad thing. It becomes our Primal Gift—our relational superpower. We bring that gift into how we show up for our kids. But if we’re not aware of it, we can start to over-index. We can distort it.

It becomes the only lens we parent through.

The problem is our kids are asking all seven questions.

One of the first things I do when I’m coaching parents is help them realize that good parenting means going beyond their own Primal Question. We’ve got to begin affirming all seven.

Step 1: Affirm All Seven Questions

Your kids don’t just need one question answered—they need all seven. They need to know:

1. They are safe

2. They are secure

3. They are loved

4. They are wanted

5. They are successful

6. They are good enough

7. They have a purpose

If you want to raise emotionally healthy adults, you’ve got to expand your parenting lens. Go beyond your own question. Start giving “yes” answers across the full spectrum.

Step 2: Become a Student of Your Child’s Primal Question

Every child has a Primal Question.

They’re not hiding it. They’re presenting it to you every single day. Through their behavior. Through the things they say. Through what lights them up or shuts them down.

You don’t need to have them take the quiz unless they’re a teenager. You just need to pay attention. You have the opportunity to look, listen, and start giving them the answer they most need to hear.

Step 3: Parent as a Team (Even If You Don’t Always Agree)

If you’re parenting with a spouse or partner, this next part is so important: you are a team. And each of you brings something unique to the table.

You both have a Primal Gift. You both carry emotional strengths rooted in your own story. And when you understand each other’s Primal Question, you can stop judging each other for doing things differently and start supporting one another.

The truth is, your kids need both of you.

They need the full range of questions answered. And that happens best when you honor each other’s gift, rather than compete or critique.

Parenting is hard. There’s no perfect formula. But there is a simple framework that can bring clarity, calm, and connection. You don’t have to walk around second-guessing yourself.

You just need to start answering these 7 questions with a resounding YES for your kids.

Action Step:

Take 10 minutes to reflect on these questions:

• What is my Primal Question?

• How does that shape the way I parent?

• What might my child’s Primal Question be?

• What’s one simple way I can say “yes” to them this week?

You’re doing better than you think.

Your awareness, your desire to grow, your willingness to show up, it matters more than you know.

To your growth,
Mike

P.S. Want to discover your own Primal Question? Take our free 5-minute assessment at primalquestion.com. It'll help you understand what's driving your own behavior and ministry style. Knowing your question changes everything.