How Do I Close the Gap Between Knowing and Feeling?

I know my Primal Truth, but I don’t feel it… now what?

Good morning, friend.

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A few weeks ago, I asked readers to send in the questions they’re wrestling with.

One came in from Kim, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since:

“I know I’m secure… but I don’t feel secure. So how do I close the gap between knowing and feeling?”

Let’s start with the high-level problem here.

Most of us live in our minds.

We think. We stew. We overanalyze. We try to solve every emotional struggle like it’s a spreadsheet.

So when someone says, “I know I’m secure, but I don’t feel secure,” the first thing I think is, that’s probably how you do all of your life. You default to your mind. You try to think your way through everything.

We’ve been taught that transformation is a mental game.

Naturally, we apply logic, strategy, and thought processes to our deepest emotional needs.

We’re trying to solve heart problems with head strategies.

This can only get you so far.

So what do we do instead? Before we even talk about your Primal Question, we need to talk about something foundational: emotional fitness.

If you want to feel secure or loved or wanted or purposeful (or whatever your Primal Question is), you first have to feel.

This might sound basic, but most people I coach are completely disconnected from their emotions. They don’t know what they’re feeling. Or where. Or why. They live in their heads because it’s safer and more familiar.

So let’s start with the basics:

1. Name the feeling. What exactly am I feeling right now? Is it anxiety? Sadness? Fear? Shame? Embarrassment?

2. Locate the feeling. Where is it showing up in my body? Tight chest? Stomach knots? Shaky hands?

3. Get curious about the feeling. What is this feeling trying to tell me? Why is it here? How is it trying to help me?

4. Accept the feeling. Let it be valid. Stop judging it or pushing it away. Let it have a seat at the table.

This is the process of growing in emotional fitness.

It’s the daily discipline of letting your emotions show up and speak without editing them. Most of us spend so much time burying our feelings, yet we wonder why we can’t feel loved, secure, or worthy, even though we know it intellectually.

You can’t feel secure if you’re not willing to feel.

Now let’s say you’ve already done some of that.

You’ve started naming your emotions. You’re not judging yourself as much. You’re beginning to stay present when feelings arise. That’s beautiful work.

But there’s another layer.

To live fully in your Primal Truth, it’s not enough for your mind to believe it. It’s not enough for your emotions to align. You need all four parts of your experience to come into agreement:

Your mind
Your heart
Your body
Your soul

Think of it like this:

Imagine a round table with four seats.

In the four chairs around the table sit your mind, your heart, your body, and your soul. And the question on the table is: “Are we secure?” Now, if even one of those four says no, you’re not going to experience the full peace of living in your Primal Truth.

Maybe your mind says yes but your body is still tense.
Maybe your heart believes it but your soul feels disconnected.
Maybe you say “I’m safe,” but everything inside you is screaming “I’m not.”

That’s okay.

This process isn’t about perfection. It’s about listening. It’s about bringing every part of you into the conversation.This is why, in my coaching work, I don’t just ask people how they’re feeling when I check in with them.

I start almost every session with the same 4-part check-in.

1. What have you been thinking about lately?

2. What are you feeling emotionally?

3. What’s going on in your body?

4. How’s your soul?

It only takes a couple of minutes, but it’s a powerful check-in.

Because most people only know how to answer one or two of those questions, but when all four parts of you have a voice, you start to move toward alignment. When all four say “yes” to your Primal Question? That’s when you start to live it, not just know it.

If you’re stuck in that space where your mind knows but your body doesn’t believe, don’t beat yourself up.

You’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re just human.

This is how growth works. Slowly. Messily. Honestly.

Here’s what I want you to do this week:

Set a timer for 5-10 minutes each day.

Ask yourself:

• What am I thinking about?

• What am I feeling?

• What is my body saying?

• How is my soul?

Write down your answers. Don’t try to fix anything. Don’t try to predict the answers. Just listen.

And then ask:

Which part of me do I tend to ignore?

Start giving that part more space.

You got this.

To your growth,
Mike Foster

P.S. If this helped you, would you consider sharing it? Your forward or repost might be exactly what someone else needs this week.