3 Ways Your Primal Question Impacts Your Life
Your Primal Question is like an underwater track, silently guiding the course of your life. The more aware you become of its influence, the more you can lead yourself into a healthy life.
Let's explore three key areas where your Primal Question plays out:
Romantic Relationships
Your Primal Question has a profound impact on your love life.
When I work with couples, 99% of their conflicts stem from answering "no" or "maybe" to each other's Primal Questions. Think about it. If you're constantly (even unintentionally) denying your spouse's core emotional need, how can your relationship thrive?
The key to a successful relationship is learning to answer your spouse's Primal Question with a resounding "yes."
Here's what you can do:
Identify your own Primal Question and your spouse's
Learn how to answer "yes" to each other's Primal Question
Recognize actions that might answer their question with a "no"
Remember, if you're struggling in your relationship, it’s probably not about lack of dates, money problems, or kids. At its core, it could be about not answering each other's Primal Questions with a clear “YES!”.
Parenting Style
In our parenting, we often project our own core emotional need onto our children.
Let me give you a personal example.
My wife, Jennifer, has the Primal Question, "Am I loved?" (Question 3). I, on the other hand, have "Am I safe?" (Question 1). When we were raising our kids, Jennifer poured love into them, always making them feel special and heard.
Me? I was all about protection.
I needed to know where they were, who they were with, and when they'd be home. I wanted to make sure my kids were safe because that’s my Apex Emotional Need.
Even now, my parting words to my kids are always, "Drive safe."
But here's the catch: Good parenting isn't about over-indexing on your own Primal Question.
It's about answering "yes" to all seven questions for your children.
Leadership
If you're a leader, entrepreneur, pastor, or anyone in the business of influencing others, this one's crucial for you.
People won't buy into your vision unless you're answering their Primal Question with a "yes." If you're answering with a "no" or "maybe," they'll spend more time in their Scramble instead of aligning with your vision.
As a leader, becoming aware of your team members' Primal Questions and attuning to them can create stronger employees and a more cohesive culture.
Your own Primal Question likely influences your entire business vision and values.
For instance, my company's vision is shaped by my need for safety. I want people to feel protected, to know it's okay to do vulnerable, risky work because of the environment I've created.
If your Primal Question is "Do I have a purpose?" (Question 7), your company vision might revolve around ensuring everyone feels valued, unlocking worth, and emphasizing that people matter.
The Bottom Line
Your Primal Question impacts your life in a multitude of ways. It has influence over almost everything. The sooner you discover how it's shaping your life, the sooner you can live a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Here's your action item for this week:
Grab a pen and paper.
Take some time to reflect on how your Primal Question might be influencing different areas of your life. Look at your relationships, your parenting style (if applicable), and your leadership approach. Jot down any patterns you notice.
Remember, awareness is the first step to transformation. By understanding the secret ways your Primal Question impacts your life, you're on your way to stronger relationships, more effective parenting, and greater leadership.
Keep growing, keep discovering, and keep living from your Primal Truth.
Warmly,
Mike Foster