2 Reasons Why Therapists, Pastors, and Coaches Burn Out

“I’m a professional counselor, and I’m kind of burned out."

Welcome back to the Primal Question Newsletter.

My name is Mike Foster. If you’re new around here, I’m an Executive Coach who works with all sorts of world changers, from Navy SEALs to reality stars to nonprofit founders to executives of billion-dollar companies.

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Today, I want to address an email I got from a reader...

“I’m a professional counselor, and I’m kind of burned out.

Well, very burned out. I’ve thought about switching to something simpler, more powerful, and more to the point. So I am very interested to see what you do with Primal Question. The certification was out of my price range, but I like staying in the loop.

I just need something new and something that actually works.”

I see this all the time.

Not just with therapists, but with pastors, coaches, and anyone who has a heart for helping others.

You start out eager. Earnest. Devoted to helping people heal. But eventually, discouragement sets in. The excitement fades. You get weary. You feel like you’re going through the motions, unable to catch a break. Sometimes, you wonder if you should have chosen some other path.

If that’s you, I want you to know:

I see you. Your work matters. You’re not alone.

Quick disclaimer: I’m not an expert on why counselors or therapists burn out. I don’t know all the nuances of your context, so please take all this with a grain of salt. But I have been coaching for over two decades, and I have two ideas about what might be going on, so I wanted to respond to this reader and anyone else struggling with this.

With that said…

If you were my client, I’d have you check your “systems.”

I can’t tell you how many clients say they’re depleted, exhausted, burnt out, and how they “can’t figure out what’s wrong.”

Then, we look under the hood of their life and realize they skip breakfast, skip lunch, survive on coffee, sleep five hours per night, never move their body, and haven’t taken a real vacation in three years. Now, before you roll your eyes at this “basic” health advice, just check in with yourself.

Are you actually doing the basics?

• Sleeping 8 hours per night?

• Eating 3 proper meals per day?

• Exercising 3-5 days per week?

• Drinking plenty of water every day?

• Taking time to relax and recharge 2 or 3 times per year?

If you’re honest, you probably have room to improve in at least one of these areas.

Your body matters.

You need to take care of your body like your life depends on it (because it does). I’m not saying this is true for all therapists, but I have noticed that the people who are strongest in caring for others are often the weakest at caring for themselves. They believe the lie that everyone else comes first… until they burn out and can’t help anyone.

Here’s what I recommend.

Work Hard. Play Hard. Rest Hard.

I like to go all-in on what I’m doing.

I work hard, play hard, and rest hard. That’s my system. For example, I recently did an intense 12-day run of work. I met with 30 clients in one week, flew across the country for 2 speaking gigs, and completely overhauled my personal website (coming soon).

Then, I went hard after rest on a trip to Cabo with Jen (my wife), and we completely unplugged for a full week.

I’m not telling you to do that. A 12-day run might not work for you. You might be a disaster after that. That’s fine. The point is: figure out what works for YOU and stick to it.

Fill out what I call the Canteen Tool by listing 1-3 ways you can recharge daily, weekly, quarterly, and yearly.

Here’s what it looks like in my life:

Daily

• I work out 5 days per week

• I get 8 hours of sleep per night

• I eat 3 proper meals and snacks

• I drink plenty of water

Weekly

• I do something fun with Jen

• I try to get outside in nature

Quarterly:

• Weekend getaway somewhere fun like Park City, Utah

Annual:

• One week-long vacation with my entire family

• One week-long vacation with just Jen and me

That’s it. I’m a person of systems, and this system helps me stay fresh, stay creative, and stay productive. It allows me to meet with 25+ clients per week, travel to speak, and create content without burning out.

If you’re burnt out, it could be your systems, or maybe it’s something else entirely.

Let’s say you’ve got the basics locked in. You’re sleeping well, eating well, and taking time off… yet you’re still burned out. What could be going on? Here’s my next guess: You might be discouraged because you’re not seeing transformation in your clients.

Here’s what I’ve noticed in my own work.

Early in my career, I had clients who wouldn’t change.

We’d meet week after week. I’d bring my best tools. We’d dig into the work. But they just wouldn’t budge. They were trapped in what I now call Trauma Karaoke—singing the same song of their pain over and over, with no intention of writing a new one.

It was so discouraging, and I’ll tell you what.

If every single one of my clients were like that today, I would quit.

I wouldn’t be able to take it. So let me ask you a question: Imagine if every single one of your clients was having breakthroughs, gaining clarity, taking action, and transforming their lives. Would you still feel burned out? Or would you feel fully alive and energized by the work you get to do?

Ultimately, you got into this line of work to get a front row seat to transformation. You want to see people’s lives changed. Unhealthy patterns broken. Relationships healed. Agency restored.

Instead, maybe you’re sitting there week after week, listening to the same stories. Watching people stay stuck. Feeling like nothing you do makes a difference.

What could help?

This quote I saw on Instagram perfectly sums up something I’ve learned over the years….

“You can’t help someone who is committed to the story that fuels their dysfunction.”

Some people want to keep eating their sorrow sandwich well past its expiration date. They want to sing their Trauma Karaoke. They say they’re processing their pain, but really, they’re married to it. They’re not interested in changing—they’re interested in having someone validate why they are the way they are and why they can’t change.

I have immense compassion for those people.

And I’ve also learned that working with them week after week will drain the life out of me.

Over time, I’ve made a decision: I work with people who do the work. I’ve gradually replaced clients who won’t change with a roster full of people who lean all the way in. People who take action. People who want their growth more than I want it for them.

And that’s made all the difference.

Now, I know what you might be thinking: “Mike, I can’t just fire all my clients and only work with easy people.”

Fair enough. Maybe you don’t have the luxury of self-selection. Maybe you work in a system where you take whoever walks through the door. Your situation could be more complicated than mine. But here’s something else to consider.

Maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s not your clients. Maybe it’s your tools.

Many therapeutic models are painstakingly slow.

If you’re helping people process their feelings for months without any clarity or breakthrough, I could see how that would be exhausting. What if you had tools that cut straight to the root issue? Tools that create transformation in minutes, not months? What if light bulb moments were going off like fireflies in the summertime?

This might sound self-serving to my own model, but there’s a good reason I stopped using other models when I discovered The Seven Primal Questions.

The reason is, it works. It’s simple. It’s effective. It’s transformative. There’s no guesswork. It predictably helps my clients get more clarity and more RESULTS than they’ve gotten in decades.

So here’s what I’d suggest:

1. Check your systems. Get back to the basics. Sleep. Eat. Move. Rest. Don’t ignore these fundamentals.

2. Get effective. Find tools that actually work. If your current approach isn’t creating transformation, maybe it’s time to try something different. Join the next cohort of Primal Question PRO (it’s 1/4 the price of the previous certification).

3. Work with people who do the work. If you have any control over your client selection, use it. If you don’t, at least stop taking on new clients who won’t change.

Creating capacity for high output without burnout comes from two things: effectiveness and systems.

Get both right, and you might rediscover why you got into this work in the first place.

To your growth,

Mike Foster

P.S. Was this helpful? If so, don’t click away without leaving a like or comment.

Are you burned out? What’s one thing you’re going to try based on this newsletter? Or what did I miss that you would add to the conversation? Let me know in the comments.

Your engagement helps more people discover their Primal Question. Thanks for reading :)